NEVER RECOVERED

*

he only wrote poetry on black paper not on white never on white it was on black paper that he wrote poetry / this was a skin but he did not want to be near it no he did not want intimacy it was skin he wanted skin after skin battlefields of skin loving and dying and returning each to their own like sturdy skeletons not being or wanting to be more human not wanting to be decorated or have hymns written in the name of their skin no only the skeletons and their skin each returning to their own leaving the human being or whatever it was behind / a hundred days of humbug in which we became close those were the best hundred days of humbug we ever had so far the sun hanging trophy-like over the driveway but not we no we were lifted up like seeds and given to each other /

dog days i am after you

drooling hanging and clawing at the gate they pretend not to be yours / so goes grace: refusing the constitution that makes it making itself a gift beautiful and pink with folded edges it could do nothing but become yours outside the gas station before the judiciary you wore a chequered skirt and smelled so strongly of CK1 that fumes hooch and prince cigarettes would be inscribed as insignias of the attraction that would end with the conversations that followed / it might as well be unicorns the oryxes at dawn in the desert somewhere old statues of dictators buried there but he does not write about that no that is not what he writes about he writes about more absence maybe to empty the paper completely wipe off every grain of sand he fills it with water /

household language: you must not exist

you can not exist you dare not exist and here

you have never been / skyscrapers sun dials

museums the time / his ghost had become more valuable and justly so he thought and considered all the hours it had been in his care that it added up to a lot more than 10000 for sure that he had experted the genius of his ghost and could rejoice and let it spend 10000 hours taking care of him / around his neck hangs not a compass but a mirror and now he has another talisman to reach his poles of inaccessibility he knows of four he has seen two one was a cat the other a shoe / he cultivated lips they would become his and be put in the pit where the words had landed until now and speak and say: here is a tomb for a mute / heathens in the control tower tired steel down below her

in flight /

wise enough to be without impulses or contemplate what he does not want stupid enough for pride and remembering the names of the voices in the ash / germany as a wasteland norway as felt denmark as oceans sweden as leaves eu tattooed above his crack in chinese letters / infant prophecies in the gallery walls dressed in flesh no corpses controlled disgust self-hate as a t-shirt and wedding present meaning in bones and transgressions without cadavers his imprint is an acid tearing the walls and the cities and the afterparties slowly apart he is curated he thinks he has time / around the corner came the one with all the teeth still in his mouth the first day of school they fell out like words /

smirnoff ice malibu paralgin forte

cherry wine petterøes cigarettes and a barrel of urine

9 beers for a hundred and a gram too

cassandra blackcurrant wine peach canei and blue nun

liebfraumilch black tower amigo and nutmeg

moonshine kiwi wine lysholmer special and a tenner for someone's mechanical oracle / lindstrøms tivoli: used tickets and coupons flattened cones and leaves leaves upon leaves one could almost forget about the embarrassments taking place because of tampering with bras and undies if not for: lindstrøms tivoli / all these rooms are his and they last longer than families he has filled them with sand of the statues a few scalps and eyebrows are seen hanging over the dunes / the calm wrestling of housing estates in the orange almost black night light of lamp posts is so skilfully almost real even on TV / all the songs in his beak silenced yet his beak keeps growing and he finds worms and straws and feeds and builds nests everywhere and growls like a different animal ordering tacos moving furniture installing cabel / do not go to the theatre willfully no go to your will fully like in the theatre imagine at one point there were 80 scooters on stage at the same time / antisocial darwinism:

you are left alone /

worst of all are the hounds coming out of nothing only to be called back to something more than nothing by a voice that knowingly or unknowingly recognise the bird of song it has become in the ears of the victim even when the victim finds itself on a well known street lit by every other lamp post some orange some maybe not leading to the doors of hell / the youth club: the lions are called back to the deep the library: the gladiator's library card is cancelled / do not go into the park it does not want you your skin is too bright you cost too much you do not know the first thing about courtship it does not spread its trees for just anyone / out of the mud stood a column under the column lay a school turned upside down a birch broken across its center and sticking out of the windows scraping the blackboards clean with the conviction of its twigs one after the other the pupils woke / his smile discolored his skin the despair hung around in every kiss and tongues jumping from juniper berries and they could not be stopped to long for him every day at night sleeping drove him away from the statue in the square with the disinterested facial features it had its way with him they all came they all snuck their hair underneath the apple of his eyes finding whatever in there lirking and jostling so very concrete just next to his plastic amygdala / she stood tall but not tall enough she was washed away by a tsunami but not a good one her car left behind on a road only for discomfort / operas:

birth

universities: house corpses / these are not the shadows you throw this is their shadow in there you are his shadow in there you are also fruitful / he went through everything he no longer needed or wanted the dried-out markers children's books the body he first removed an arm then a foot an ear a toe until he found himself in a box on the street marked "zu verschenken" his edges bending slightly towards the middle with wrinkles and folds covered with light snow and sleet / contract: water on the china CV: Hordak He-Man Skeletor and the others / a glass full of change and next to it one with bumblebees and next to it one with wasps and next to it one with tears and next to it one with condoms and next to it one with teeth and hair and next to it one with glasses / blushing coughing blabbe blab doubtful stands he in the hallway on one of the many steps leading up to one of your many homes with a tassel of foxglove and twigs practising a sentence already practised to perfection throat filled with red putty his body of lego brick by brick they tumble down the hallway unspoken / he has sand in his mouth but not from the beaches he has made it himself by chewing the meatballs until they became mud and then waited through all the dinner parties of his youth until the mud formed a little spring and then a little brook and he let that brook form a river and would just swim down that river for a thousand units until he himself became bits of glass and sank and waited as glass for thousands more sparkling through it all and coming to life in the sun when the riverbed finally dried out there he was dug out with a fork and lifted into his own mouth he chewed and began anew and became tired and full / bus stops: the landscapes in him against which everything else will be measured / you did not have to fight he did it himself someone gave him a spoon and a fork he put them in his mouth and even before touching the tongue words came: steel blood halibut skin salt sea beak he disappeared at sea tackling a crab and then the king of gulls his wings flapping in the wrong silence / he could not sleep he was thinking about the sports hall when he was there and younger and the dividing walls would come down now they were coming down in him / talisman: box of matches / kisses of pear cider and lipgloss bodies of start crackers and axe / why he belonged in the library he did not know he had no keys to the library but the library had made no demands just be here in a month it had told him and that was it just like mother just like father he had thought and thought himself privileged / grey goose sparrow and antelope mint green toyota camrys and orange slalom boots a size too small this was the sum of his tattoos / the wealthiest refugee in the world he was called the homeless on national TV by the lice the itch the itch the hair the flames / frp: vikingland in brushed metal sp: underground theme park h: miniature blow jobs in miniature saunas v: grind against grind 500 kroner sp: bicycle festival delillos no sex sv: pre-war remembrance monolith atomic clock / wait now spring is here and you are not but everything green all around you and you not without your eyes it all seems so beautiful / the very best for everyone when laughing or even better when merely a onlooker be and have that laughter shown to you and now completion in your disgust and the calm when it pairs with his cowardice / the pretend apocalypse: i nail you there / the crows in the park have been there longer than you the crows in the park / hoppeslut sisyfos / selective control processes are you in them instigated them what is your meaning if not are you someone elses someone we waited for together / pilgrimages: aorta placenta etcetera virtue: map compass biscuits oranges / now he is given a voice dug out from a mess of cries and shouts cheese doodles they said and movie tickets for the pretend-first star wars movie masturbation builds confidence the third hit of the bong not so much / like this or like this thus and hence and brushed metal heaven and carousels with no receivers like here where roundabouts spring out of something flat / mystic until disclosed disclosed until safe / and the bodies rise like bananas even when stronger imagery seems called for as if they did not happen before stretched out in their banana state this humanity still reaching for unknowns up in the trees among the leaves languages with a higher level of consistency than a bullet through the flesh the lungs like breath without air bodies without the carnality / hello peacock paranoia and shame the feathers / the disembodied heads of poverty he lifted one it was his father's he spoke to it he spoke of his hunger that it had not receded he said but now he had no mouth he spoke with the expressions that had failed to leave his face lending his smile dignity impermeability something half-eternal something stoic even though it had never mentioned hunger before even when it had a body / the trees had not listened to his life yet they stand there and he is with them even if their sincerity is questioned with every fall / it had been easier to be a bird than a lamp post a tree a bus stop or an electrical box the wings would simply fold out of his chest it had been easier than being a cage / home: grass growing downwards into the earth home: the exact distance between two objects in the sky measured with a shovel and a bucket / they all came to his confirmation he let them in the room and let them out again with every hospital visit wedding and wedding again birth baptism confirmation wedding funeral they agreed that it had been a worthwhile trip and wrote postcards to this effect in the following / every time he opened the gate and went into the house it was empty now they are perched on a fence pointing at worms now they row their leaking rowboats and fish for cod and pollock now they drink coffee in their cars at the mountain passes he more or less had the TV for himself / in the coffin: his body as transformers in the church: electrical storms on planet cybertron / pan cakes with salmon waffles with salami lapskaus with ketchup komle with brown cheese yet in secrecy he worshipped Grandiosa / it was a good year for gardens they had finally outgrown each other and entered new territories and whatever differences between them were settled cities grew out of the gardens and grew until they had finally outgrown each other and into new territories and whatever differences between them were settled buds stood out of skyscrapers parrots and larvae sprung out of the buds and grew into each other reddo reddo and life in the garden progressed without deities and quacks it was a good year for cities / he had entered the wrong house on the tables were stacks of tarot cards and water pipes everywhere and on a TV somewhere the DVD-menu from Terminator 2 ran in loops he saw no way out but moving in / his gym classes caught up with him he went shopping axe africa cool water / out of his impurities popped lingonberries chanterelles entire country roads cars driving in convoy over the mountains the smell of coffee in those cars and gloves dropping to the floor hands around the thermos and smoke he would think it belonged to the interior he rolled down the window and up again his father lived in the dew he could draw him with his fingertips rolled him down and up again / pluto is once more a planet everyone gets a second childhood / chased down the streets in the cities he invented not to be chased down the streets of the cities already there he had to picture the schematics of the these cities not taking into account futures and pasts determined by people or by mongrel dogs inhabiting the streets with teeth and barks and drool and growls defending the bones of its master from the thief of memory and children with futures or pasts taking place somewhere towards the end of those streets or in the alleys but for an entity with no need for streets at all or rooms or homes someone with wings probably someone not troubled by the passage of time or worrying how to stay in it / the marching band in school had it all except pregnant mermaids playing oversized banjoes in glass jars naked / she finally kissed him and he imagined all the automatic doors in the hospital opening simultaneously at night and the breeze through all that fresh linen stacked in the hallway / he entered the night opened it up like a tent it was a night without nights it slept in him / who is shakespeare it is that guy with the pills you know whose eyes are free from longing / he played through Zelda III enough times so that he became Link which was preferable he catered to all the oneups he had been saving up in Super Mario Bros rather than finally owning his own copies of Gremlins and Commando /