NEVER RECOVERED
*
he
only wrote poetry on black paper not on white never on white it was
on black paper that he wrote poetry / this was a skin but he did not
want to be near it no he did not want intimacy it was skin he wanted
skin after skin battlefields of skin loving and dying and returning
each to their own like sturdy skeletons not being or wanting to be
more human not wanting to be decorated or have hymns written in the
name of their skin no only the skeletons and their skin each
returning to their own leaving the human being or whatever it was
behind / a hundred days of humbug in which we became close those were
the best hundred days of humbug we ever had so far the sun hanging
trophy-like over the driveway but not we no we were lifted up like
seeds and given to each other /
dog
days i am after you
drooling
hanging and clawing at the gate they pretend not to be yours / so
goes grace: refusing the constitution that makes it making itself a
gift beautiful and pink with folded edges it could do nothing but
become yours outside the gas station before the judiciary you wore a
chequered skirt and smelled so strongly of CK1 that fumes hooch and
prince cigarettes would be inscribed as insignias of the attraction
that would end with the conversations that followed / it might as
well be unicorns the oryxes at dawn in the desert somewhere old
statues of dictators buried there but he does not write about that no
that is not what he writes about he writes about more absence maybe
to empty the paper completely wipe off every grain of sand he fills
it with water /
household
language: you must not exist
you
can not exist you dare not exist and here
you
have never been / skyscrapers sun dials
museums the
time / his ghost had become more valuable and justly so he thought
and considered all the hours it had been in his care that it added up
to a lot more than 10000 for sure that he had experted the genius of
his ghost and could rejoice and let it spend 10000 hours taking care
of him / around his neck hangs not a compass but a mirror and now he
has another talisman to reach his poles of inaccessibility he knows
of four he has seen two one was a cat the other a shoe / he
cultivated lips they would become his and be put in the pit where the
words had landed until now and speak and say: here is a tomb for a
mute / heathens in the control tower tired steel down
below her
in
flight /
wise
enough to be without impulses or contemplate what he does not want
stupid enough for pride and remembering the names of the voices in
the ash / germany as a wasteland norway as felt denmark as oceans
sweden as leaves eu tattooed above his crack in chinese letters /
infant prophecies in the gallery walls dressed in flesh no corpses
controlled disgust self-hate as a t-shirt and wedding present
meaning in bones and transgressions without cadavers his imprint is
an acid tearing the walls and the cities and the afterparties slowly
apart he is curated he thinks he has time / around the corner came
the one with all the teeth still in his mouth the first day of
school they fell out like words /
smirnoff
ice malibu paralgin forte
cherry
wine petterøes cigarettes and a barrel of urine
9
beers for a hundred and a gram too
cassandra
blackcurrant wine peach canei and blue nun
liebfraumilch
black tower amigo and nutmeg
moonshine
kiwi wine lysholmer special and a tenner for someone's mechanical
oracle / lindstrøms tivoli: used tickets and coupons flattened
cones and leaves leaves upon leaves one could almost forget
about the embarrassments taking place because of tampering with bras
and undies if not for: lindstrøms tivoli / all these rooms are
his and they last longer than families he has filled them with sand
of the statues a few scalps and eyebrows are seen hanging over
the dunes / the calm wrestling of housing estates in the orange
almost black night light of lamp posts is so skilfully almost real
even on TV / all the songs in his beak silenced yet his beak keeps
growing and he finds worms and straws and feeds and builds nests
everywhere and growls like a different animal ordering tacos moving
furniture installing cabel / do not go to the theatre willfully no go
to your will fully like in the theatre imagine at one point
there were 80 scooters on stage at the same time / antisocial
darwinism:
you
are left alone /
worst
of all are the hounds coming out of nothing only to be called back to
something more than nothing by a voice that knowingly or unknowingly
recognise the bird of song it has become in the ears of the victim
even when the victim finds itself on a well known street lit by every
other lamp post some orange some maybe not leading to the doors of
hell / the youth club: the lions are called back to the deep
the library: the gladiator's library card is cancelled / do not
go into the park it does not want you your skin is too bright you
cost too much you do not know the first thing about courtship it does
not spread its trees for just anyone / out of the mud stood a column
under the column lay a school turned upside down a birch broken
across its center and sticking out of the windows scraping the
blackboards clean with the conviction of its twigs one after the
other the pupils woke / his smile discolored his skin the despair
hung around in every kiss and tongues jumping from juniper berries
and they could not be stopped to long for him every day
at night sleeping drove him away from the statue in the square with
the disinterested facial features it had its way with him they all
came they all snuck their hair underneath the apple of his eyes
finding whatever in there lirking and jostling so very concrete just
next to his plastic amygdala / she stood tall but not tall enough she
was washed away by a tsunami but not a good one her car left behind
on a road only for discomfort / operas:
birth
universities: house
corpses / these are not the shadows you throw this is their
shadow in there you are his shadow in there you are also fruitful
/ he went through everything he no longer needed or wanted the
dried-out markers children's books the body he first
removed an arm then a foot an ear a toe until he found himself in a
box on the street marked "zu verschenken" his edges bending
slightly towards the middle with wrinkles and folds covered with
light snow and sleet / contract: water on the china CV:
Hordak He-Man Skeletor and the others / a glass full of change and
next to it one with bumblebees and next to it one with wasps and next
to it one with tears and next to it one with condoms and next to it
one with teeth and hair and next to it one with glasses / blushing
coughing blabbe blab doubtful stands he in the hallway on one of the
many steps leading up to one of your many homes with a tassel of
foxglove and twigs practising a sentence already practised to
perfection throat filled with red putty his body of lego brick by
brick they tumble down the hallway unspoken / he has sand in his
mouth but not from the beaches he has made it himself by chewing the
meatballs until they became mud and then waited through all the
dinner parties of his youth until the mud formed a little spring and
then a little brook and he let that brook form a river and would just
swim down that river for a thousand units until he himself became
bits of glass and sank and waited as glass for thousands more
sparkling through it all and coming to life in the sun when the
riverbed finally dried out there he was dug out with a fork
and lifted into his own mouth he chewed and began anew and became
tired and full / bus stops: the landscapes in him against
which everything else will be measured / you did not have to fight he
did it himself someone gave him a spoon and a fork he put them in his
mouth and even before touching the tongue words came: steel
blood halibut skin salt sea beak he disappeared at sea tackling a
crab and then the king of gulls his wings flapping in the wrong
silence / he could not sleep he was thinking about the sports
hall when he was there and younger and the dividing walls would
come down now they were coming down in him / talisman: box
of matches / kisses of pear cider and lipgloss bodies of start
crackers and axe / why he belonged in the library he did not know he
had no keys to the library but the library had made no demands
just be here in a month it had told him and that was it just like
mother just like father he had thought and thought himself privileged
/ grey goose sparrow and antelope mint green toyota camrys and
orange slalom boots a size too small this was the sum of his
tattoos / the wealthiest refugee in the world he was called the
homeless on national TV by the lice the itch the itch the
hair the flames / frp: vikingland in brushed metal sp:
underground theme park h: miniature blow jobs in miniature
saunas v: grind against grind 500 kroner sp: bicycle
festival delillos no sex sv: pre-war remembrance
monolith atomic clock / wait now spring is here and you are
not but everything green all around you and you not without your eyes
it all seems so beautiful / the very best for everyone when laughing
or even better when merely a onlooker be and have that laughter shown
to you and now completion in your disgust and the calm when
it pairs with his cowardice / the pretend apocalypse: i nail you
there / the crows in the park have been there longer than you the
crows in the park / hoppeslut sisyfos / selective control processes
are you in them instigated them what is your meaning if
not are you someone elses someone we waited for together /
pilgrimages: aorta placenta etcetera virtue: map
compass biscuits oranges / now he is given a voice dug out from a
mess of cries and shouts cheese doodles they said and movie
tickets for the pretend-first star wars movie masturbation builds
confidence the third hit of the bong not so much / like this or
like this thus and hence and brushed metal heaven and carousels with
no receivers like here where roundabouts spring out of something
flat / mystic until disclosed disclosed until safe / and the
bodies rise like bananas even when stronger imagery seems called for
as if they did not happen before stretched out in their banana state
this humanity still reaching for unknowns up in the trees
among the leaves languages with a higher level of consistency than a
bullet through the flesh the lungs like breath without air bodies
without the carnality / hello peacock paranoia and shame the
feathers / the disembodied heads of poverty he lifted one it
was his father's he spoke to it he spoke of his hunger that it
had not receded he said but now he had no mouth he spoke with the
expressions that had failed to leave his face lending his smile
dignity impermeability something half-eternal something stoic
even though it had never mentioned hunger before even when it had a
body / the trees had not listened to his life yet they stand there
and he is with them even if their sincerity is questioned with every
fall / it had been easier to be a bird than a lamp post a tree a bus
stop or an electrical box the wings would simply fold out of his
chest it had been easier than being a cage / home: grass
growing downwards into the earth home: the exact
distance between two objects in the sky measured with a shovel
and a bucket / they all came to his confirmation he let them in
the room and let them out again with every hospital visit
wedding and wedding again birth baptism
confirmation wedding funeral they agreed that it had
been a worthwhile trip and wrote postcards to this effect in the
following / every time he opened the gate and went into the house it
was empty now they are perched on a fence pointing at worms
now they row their leaking rowboats and fish for cod and pollock
now they drink coffee in their cars at the mountain passes he
more or less had the TV for himself / in the coffin: his body as
transformers in the church: electrical storms on planet
cybertron / pan cakes with salmon waffles with salami lapskaus with
ketchup komle with brown cheese yet in secrecy he worshipped
Grandiosa / it was a good year for gardens they had finally outgrown
each other and entered new territories and whatever differences
between them were settled cities grew out of the gardens and grew
until they had finally outgrown each other and into new territories
and whatever differences between them were settled buds stood out
of skyscrapers parrots and larvae sprung out of the buds and
grew into each other reddo reddo and life in the garden progressed
without deities and quacks it was a good year for cities / he
had entered the wrong house on the tables were stacks of tarot cards
and water pipes everywhere and on a TV somewhere the DVD-menu from
Terminator 2 ran in loops he saw no way out but moving in / his
gym classes caught up with him he went shopping axe africa
cool water / out of his impurities popped lingonberries
chanterelles entire country roads cars driving in convoy
over the mountains the smell of coffee in those cars and gloves
dropping to the floor hands around the thermos and smoke he would
think it belonged to the interior he rolled down the window and up
again his father lived in the dew he could draw him with
his fingertips rolled him down and up again / pluto is once more
a planet everyone gets a second childhood / chased down the
streets in the cities he invented not to be chased down the streets
of the cities already there he had to picture the schematics of the
these cities not taking into account futures and pasts determined by
people or by mongrel dogs inhabiting the streets with teeth
and barks and drool and growls defending the bones of its master
from the thief of memory and children with futures or pasts taking
place somewhere towards the end of those streets or in the alleys
but for an entity with no need for streets at all or rooms or homes
someone with wings probably someone not troubled by the
passage of time or worrying how to stay in it / the marching band in
school had it all except pregnant mermaids playing oversized banjoes
in glass jars naked / she finally kissed him and he imagined all
the automatic doors in the hospital opening simultaneously at night
and the breeze through all that fresh linen stacked in the hallway /
he entered the night opened it up like a tent it was a night
without nights it slept in him / who is shakespeare it is that
guy with the pills you know whose eyes are free from
longing / he played through Zelda III enough times so that he became
Link which was preferable he catered to all the oneups he
had been saving up in Super Mario Bros rather than finally
owning his own copies of Gremlins and Commando /
